The Real Deal Behind Marriage

Cover Photo: Tyrese Gibson and ex-wife Samantha

Beyond the wedding glam and glitz, there is more to that event than just all that happens on that day. There is a becoming, togetherness and different beings existing as one. The truth is there are expectations from newlyweds or singles on how the marriage life should be. Many times, we have a checklist of our dream home, dream kids, and all that. We expect a journey to forever without stress, fights and impossibilities.

But truth is, it wouldn’t always go as planned, there are late nights when you cry silently, there are times you feel like going back to being single. There are real facts behind marriage that you probably don’t get to hear on the altar, from your married friends and those with experience.

Marriage is a new learning ground– now two people are coming together to live as a couple. It’s a different ball game entirely. It is different from courtship and dating. There is no room for pretence anymore, you are more likely to know the real person you got married to just after marriage. You don’t stop learning in this union. The first year of marriage, it seems subtle as you get deep insight about your partner. You learn love, forgiveness, acceptance, patience, care and how to live peacefully with your partner and others. You learn daily on ways to improve yourself and the relationship.

Marriage involves two willing and committed people– the union is not for babies. It’s for adults that are ready to make it work. If you are one of those people that assume there wouldn’t be fights, arguments, stress and all, then you should think about it twice. Marriage involves commitment from the partners. If you think you can change the other person in marriage, you are wrong. A person changes based on what they see or a personal decision. You both have to be ready to make it work through commitment and love. Marriage is not a place where you consider quitting at all means, you must be committed to it.

Marriage changes you totally– I know couples that says things like ‘’if I had known marriage was like this, I should have waited a bit, I should have married early, I should have stayed single, I should have married the other lady or guy’’. Truth is you don’t remain the same. It is no longer about you alone. Marriage changes the way you talk, think, dress and see things. Your status changes totally and you don’t represent yourself alone. For ladies, the moment you get pregnant, your body system changes and so many things. For guys, you are responsible for your wife and the family. Marriage changes you especially when kids are involved. Most times, you complain about changes in your partner, ignoring the changes in you as well. Nobody stays the same.

Marriage keeps you from family & friends – this does not mean marriage makes you stop connecting with loved ones. It only means that marriage causes some kind of distance unplanned. No matter how you try to create a lasting bond with your family and friends, there would be restriction once you get married. Often times, we become so attached and it becomes impossible leaving these people. Hours spent on phone, hanging out, reduces gradually. You become responsible for your partner and their family members. There is a limit to how often you visit your friends and family, you probably do when there it is important.

Marriage has its moments-contrary to expectations to have a journey to happy ever after, marriage has its moments. There are times everything feels good and times it’s just boring. There are moments when you desire to be alone, there are times you feel sick, tired and broke. That is why the union is not for kids, you must be ready to pull through these moments. Do you ever wonder why there is an increase in divorce rate? It does not mean these couples never loved or cared, there were moments they probably could not cope with and life happened. There are times you just cry and wish you never got married, but at the end, you realize marriage is worth it.

Marriage is not like courtship. People change, kids gets involved, pressure and life happen. There is a reward for marriage that cannot be traded nor found anywhere. It is a relationship with many lessons. In the end, marriage comes with rich moments and experiences. Marriage strengthens love, it makes it deeper and consequently, finally worthy of “happily ever after.

Culled from Palmchat