Your big day is here. The wedding you have dreamed about all your life. You are marrying your dream man or woman. And everyone is wonderful and supportive. You awoke to a beautiful morning. Outside your luxurious rental suite, the sun is kissing the lake shores. The rays pompously bounce about the calm waters to unleash a shimmery portrait. Awwww. Beautiful. But!!! Something seems off. Your stomach! It is rioting. About a million hunger pangs simultaneously stab at your intestines to ignite an excruciating sensation that wells up, like a huge rock, in your stomach. You are starving, or so you think. And because you have been careful what you put in your stomach for the past 3 months, suddenly a thought crosses your mind. A temptation to appease your taste buds with those greasy fast foods. A bunch of chicken wings wouldn’t hurt, you justify the thought. “I mean, after 3 months of disciplined feeding, just a few hours of beans, or boiled eggs, surely would do no harm.” But you have no idea what the snacking could do 5 hours later. The impact it would have on your behavior. On your bowel movements. So to help you avoid spoiling your wedding, Mikolo compiled a list of things you should stay away from so that your party can be the smooth flow of glam fused with mirth.
Pizza
Pizza is enticing. It is usually quick to arrive. It is always inviting you. They say, if you have had Pizza, (good pizza, not the excuses you are served by your kafunda amateurs) you cannot look back. But please, look away from pizza on your wedding day. It contains cheese and fat. And both are harder to digest. Yet, in the words of Jaylor Kyakuwa, a certified nutritionist, they exasperate nausea. “The high saturated fat content makes dairy rough on the stomach and is a frequent stem for indigestion,” she opined.
Boiled eggs
They are easier to access. And appear lightest. Yet they have the worst impact. That discomfort in your stomach. The consistent feeling that some bio-chemical reactions are going on in your stomach. And that perturbing urge to unleash the nuclear gas-residue to ease the pressure on your intestine walls. That is the urge that will kill your wedding. Because if you succumb to it, you might poison all your wedding attendants including your husband. Worse still, imagine the discomfort you would encounter during the coital activity later that day, knowing a nuclear gas bomb might go off anytime.
Beans
The people who despise beans are those who had badly cooked beans while growing up. But the reality is, beans are quite the delicacy. So much that while Ugandans eat them only as sauce, there are people out there who eat them as food. But assuming you are among the substantial lot of us Ugandans into beans. And by that virtue, wield a craving for beans, make sure (the crave) it doesn’t come on your wedding day. Because like eggs, beans are harder to digest.
Spicy food, left overs, fermented juice
Having the jitters can activate your central nervous system to trigger sweat. So stay away from spicy foods and caffeine because they can activate neurotransmitters called acetylcholine which might soak your party attire with sweat. Also, artificial sweeteners found in diet drinks, fermented juice, hard candies, chewing gum is difficult for your body to break down. Though it might tempting to have artificially sweetened delicacies, natural sweet options like frozen fruits (grapes or blue berries) are better. Also, food left-overs, (in whichever assortment you might choose to erase the over-night taste or appearance) should be stayed away from.
Starch
Starch is hard to digest. So stay away from it. Because you risk sleeping at your wedding. Or dosing off through most of the mirth at your own wedding because the body is struggling to digest your 'cassava'.
Keep it simple
Fruit and vegetable salads naturally hydrate the body. Yet they also have the right nutrients to keep the body function at appropriate rates before you take the wedding meal.